Diffusion

I met you in the most inopportune time

When my heart had grown weary of life's tragedies

And I decided to render myself immune

To feelings, emotions passions and perhaps even love

For there seemed nothing but despair at the end of it all

Yet you arrived like the south wind

Warm, free and without inhibition.

You wished to throw everything away

Your joys, your sorrows, your pride and your hurt

Just to blow over this island just one more time

In the hope that the tides will turn

That you will be rewarded for your persistence

That you will find a wind just like you

To blow with you over the mountains, the valleys and the seas

To face the clouds and the stormy night alike

To laugh at the world's follies and rage at its wrongs

To float someone's kite and maybe spawn a smile

I was a rock. A hard immovable stone

You passed over me a million times and yet

I stayed exactly where I was

Got used to your caressing paths

But alas, I stayed exactly where I was

And today, as you contemplate a new path

My being is no longer with me

I begin to lose foundation and little grains trickle down

I am losing your loving touch on my face

I am losing the embrace that kept me whole

And at the sight of your distracted face

I begin to realize my flaws.

I stand here pleading you to blow over me once more.

Tomorrow falls

What if when tomorrow falls
this frail self can't hold on
when this device of life stops churning
and existence will ask account

i remember yesterday when i lived
chasing horizons and grasping stars
at mindless peace within my own world
but in utter want of some other

Oh world..go on.. show your hollow dreams
your machine can just one way turn
nip every thought at the bud
how could there be room for ambition?

when tomorrow falls, question your depths
did you live up to all your worth
because today is here and yesterday...
was once a tomorrow that falls

The promise of uncertainty

There is this one entity that has been with me all through my life, in each step, around every corner and at every intersection. No matter how much I've prayed and how assured I was of goodness and mercy, I have never been left undaunted by it. Uncertainty..Wouldn't it be insanely exciting to know how our every venture will be brought to fruition, how our every plan will see the light of day, what our endeavours will bring us...I don't think so. Imagine a situation of a race, where by some means every competitor knew exactly where he'd place. Wouldn't that be utterly boring. Would the losers dare to even run. I now understand why uncertainty is so important in life. Its what brings thrill to every sport and every game we play. Uncertainty is the essence of adventure. Uncertainty defines the joy of victory and the remorse of failure. In short uncertainty is the lifeline of life itself. Without it, we're doomed. We are framed to a machine. We rather not live! But there is always the promise of uncertainty...an elevated pulse rate, perspiration and an OD of adrenalin. Beautiful but lame...I know, I know.

Grow on me

for no one in particular...



As each day passes me by
My heart grows fonder.
You show me my reasons day by day
that i have searched for in wonder
I am grateful for you are
today in my breath
My thoughts i feel are blessed


I had asked if there were angels...
if a thing of beauty as such could be
But i knew the day I saw you ...
God had created something even more pure ..
something even more lovely
I am grateful for you are
today in my breath
My thoughts I feel are blessed

Frown

* I am lazy beyond words. My mind is willing but my body(who really has a mind of his own) is not.

*I am not clean( Doesn't mean I'm dirty, just that I am not as clean as i want to be most times)

*I don't possess musical talent that i would have SO liked to possess.

*I can sway anyways depending on which side put down the last argument. I buy anything, trust anyone and believe everything.

*I can't sustain the interest of the opposite sex for too long. I suddenly transform into this boring, 'nice' guy when i talk to them.

...to be continued.

Smile

* I can understand most of the times what a person is feeling and act(behave) accordingly.

*I can laugh at the silliest of sillies.

*I have no feelings of pride.

*I am mostly unmoved by emotions other than that of mine and hence do not worry a lot. Doesn't mean I can't understand them. I do, but I don't seem to care. (This in some dictionaries is listed under 'being an asshole')

*I always get more than I expect(which is minimal. This is good for me in terms of contentment with most things in life, but I also know that it can make me settle for horse dung when I could have always had chocolate cake).

*I am loved and cared for.

*God is unduly good to me. :|

.....to be continued.

I want to leave my legacy

I want to 'blog' because I want my persona to remain in the billions of electrons moving around recklessly in space even after I'm gone. I know my dead self and my redeemed soul would wear a smile, just to know that I really existed and had a mind that thought and a face that smiled and a heart that cried and a soul that rejoiced. I am sure I don't need something like this to leave my legacy but nevertheless this is a very 'real' way to do it. So here goes. I want to talk a little about myself before we start things off :). I am a tiny little boy in pursuit of what they call a life..I started off just like any little boy out on a treasure quest in the backyard..with no clues. But I'm thankful that I have come this far and existence has taught me and still is, a few things. If I were to list them down, it would be like kidding myself because I still haven't learned what it is like to be not confused and totally clear.
One of the few but very important things is that every human being ought to be respected for the simple fact that he is a God loved human being. It worries me these days when I see people losing this respect for fellow humans. Every person has been blessed with a mind to think and his thoughts are precious to him and we have no right to force our own to cause him harm. I, no matter how I interact with another person or what I have to say about him, deep down inside, know that God loves him just as me and that I am in no way superior to him or him to me. I consider this notion truly valuable because it helps me from being prejudiced about people and being open to their points of view. I have learned to respect myself more and know that I have mass and occupy space :). I have learned to give without expecting return(that's cause most times nobody returned anything, but thats not stopping me from giving). I have learned that to me, fun=uncontrolled, spasmodic, cacophonous, eternal laughter...nothing beats that. Its my ultimate 'upper'. I have learned that I must love more and care more. I have learned that people value me more than I think they really do. I have learned that its better to speak out and be abhorred than to perish in silence. I have learned that other people's judgments and opinions regarding me are their own and have nothing to do with me. I have learned that I can't get my body to do what my mind feels...a big downer. No one's perfect yeah?
I have always been an observer. Now I speak.

The thing is that...every other day I notice something which speaks to me and I wish I could record that somewhere, but by the time I get to my quiet place(my shabby room) I have no recollection of that something. Clearly, that something is not speaking loud enough or I have a memory retention problem. As many occasions would cite, its the latter.

So I begin this blog with an explanation of why I want to blog...